I've noticed it with my daughters... when they say mean things to each other. My little one doesn't even realize she hurts her sister so deeply when she yells out "I hate you" out of frustration. I know she doesn't mean it. I've been giving her other words to use instead, such as, "You're really frustrating me right now". In the moment, however, those hurtful words explode from her cute little mouth. And my older daughter's heart breaks.
I've noticed it with friends, family, and yes, even the CEO when he was called out on why I was so upset at him. Instead of recognizing that his words were uncomfortable for me and owning up to what he said... or even acknowledging that he was out of line... he acted as if it was MY misunderstanding and that he would never imply such a thing.
...which basically disregards my feelings about it completely.
There have even been moments with Gentleman Jack. Neither of us likes to acknowledge an uncomfortable feeling or emotion when they happen. However, they DO happen. I like to accept his emotion for what it is to understand what I could do differently next time, like communicate better or reassure more. I guess I expect the same from him. Instead, when I try to hone in on something he says that may illustrate a deeper feeling, he'll defensively say, "I was just kidding, jeesh." What good does it do to hide behind pretense the truth of how you feel in that moment? There's no need to feel shame for that. It's honest truth and vulnerability... part of what brings us even closer.
Don't get me wrong. I too am guilty of saying, "I'm okay" when I'm really upset about something but don't want to address it in that moment. I understand it completely.
I've even been amazed at the power of my own words while looking for another job... and at the defensive threatening position of the CEO at work after he was told that I felt he had crossed the line. Do you mean to tell me that something I said is so powerful that a seemingly confident, secure, full grown man will crumble into a defensive child, throwing a tantrum because he didn't get his way? Wow.
I read this blog post recently and found someone else eloquently reminding me of the power of what we say.
And this... from Pinterest... speaks it even clearer.
Isn't it true?
I just wonder... do YOU recognize the power of your words, what they say about you, how they put up walls or open up hearts to the people in your life?
Isn't there authentic beauty behind telling the truth of how you feel or owning what you say? Even if what you said was unintentionally hurtful, isn't it kinder to say I was wrong for saying that?
